Rant of Influenced choices!

An exam rant: “I never should have signed up for this. I never should have taken up this. I knew I didn’t like studying for this and still, I went through it. I should not have taken up something I truly know I am not interested in.”
The only two ways studying can be done is through focus or through interest. Tell your mind to do something that has neither, and all you have is heaps of procrastination and major sense of ‘taking-things-lightly’.
Well yes, I don’t take things seriously. That’s what it is. I take things for granted. I don’t push myself harder every time I should be and I eventually give things up easily. That’s how I am, although that’s not how I should reason/deal with myself, that’s how I see things now. I know that I guess I won’t change for the better if I don’t force myself into creating an interest or focus for whatever I signed up for  – but guess what, it isn’t happening.
Reason? The mind already KNOWS that it doesn’t like what it’s doing or supposed to do. It leaves it. Yes. Mine does – it leaves it. I cannot push myself further if I don’t like what I’m doing. Even so, I would need this external push. IOW I am NOT a self-serving person I need to be pushed to be self-served. That’s just how I was molded into. After 21 years of being molded into a horse, you cannot order the animal to suddenly evolve into the characteristics of a tiger (strange.and.silly. inappropriate.animal.comparison intended here)
Yes, some characteristics evolve with time – timid children can grow up to have loud and outgoing characters and chatty children can grow up to be the wise and sound-in-knowledge characters. But the WAY they grew up is always IN them – that can be disguised with time but it cannot be made rid of.
Point is, no matter what choices we make, we do indeed get influenced by others and their advice.. but not all the choices laid out to you is what you need. Those choices you get can always be not suitable for you, it can always NOT match your inner personality.
What you are now (over the age of 20, I suppose) is what you have become through the many influences you have faced throughout these years. But there is also that personality IN us, that cannot be influenced – that has not been influenced – that has not been tampered with – but disguised with many layers of opinions and influences of OTHERS.
So what now? Well, its time we twenties start paving our path. Pick up a chisel and start chipping off those choices you KNOW you don’t need. Start choosing the choices which you know it would lead you to what YOU like and what YOU find interested in.
“One other way to find yourself is to lose that doesn’t define who you are or who you want to be”
xx
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Balance!

Its all about that balance.
One can be completely passionate about something they truly enjoy doing, but what could bring more satisfaction would be to manage that balance. Finally things are starting to heat up in my routine , I can finally tell myself maybe this is how things should go. But then some other event comes up and I start to think wait, maybe I should concentrate more on that than this, maybe since I like that more I should spend more of my time and effort and  thoughts on that factor than another I am forced to do.
Yest we visited my Bro’s suit designer. Boy, was she one passionate designer! The excitement when she looks at the suit, the details , the specifics of the material, stitching, how the suit should look when bro stands, walk, sits, front view, backview side ways, in angle and also how it should look indoors and outdoors – *phew* But as much as she has been involved in this 14year passion/ career path ;  she has an extremely beautiful house, a sweet family with two kids and just looked like a balance – . Now, I’m sure, she does have to go through a lot to manage them.. she spoke about losing out on family time with her husband who is also highly passionate about his career, two pre-schooling kids, her clients – their specifications, alterations and what not. This got me thinking.. as young yet-to-discover-ourselves ladies, why are we stressing so much about our paths?
The issue is – we as young, still-free, independent women/ladies/young adults shouldn’t stress so much about the ‘focus’. Its not about how much STRESS is involved in what you are involved in, but it’s about the Effort you take to create and manage the ‘focus’  you put yourself into. This ‘focus’ can be something you are passionate about – your work, your hobby, an activity, – just anything you enjoy doing without stressing out on the fact that you ARE DOING IT – this is your focus. But next? — it’s the Effort; ie how much we can physically involve ourselves into this focus.
The ball is on your side…. the decision to kick it for a goal or to pass it on to a team mate or to just stare at it until the opponent kicks it away from you – is yours.
-Roo