Rant of Influenced choices!

An exam rant : “I never should have signed up for this. I never should have taken up this. I knew I did’nt like studying for this and still I went through it. I should not have taken up something I truly know I am not interested in.”
The only two ways studying can be done is through focus or through interest. Tell your mind to do something that has neither, and all you have is heaps of procrastination and major sense of ‘taking-things-lightly’.
Well yes, I don’t take things seriously. That’s what it is. I take things for granted. I don’t push myself harder everytime I should be and I eventually give things up easily. That’s how I am, although thats not how I should reason/deal with myself, but that’s how I see things now. I know that I guess I wont change for the better if I don’t force myself into creating an interest or focus for what ever I signed up for  – but guess what, it isn’t happening.
Reason? The mind already KNOWS that it doesn’t like what it’s doing or supposed to do. It leaves it. Yes. Mine does – it leaves it. I cannot push myself further if I don’t like what I’m doing. Even so, I would need this external push. IOW I am NOT a self-serving person I need to be pushed to be self-served. Thats just how I was moulded into. After 21 years of being moulded into a horse you cannot order the animal to suddenly evolve iinto the characteristics of a tiger (strange.and.silly. inappropriate.animal.comparison intended here)
Yes, some characteristics evolve with time – timid children can grow up to have loud and outgoing characs and chatty children can grow up to be the wise and sound-in-knowledge characs. But the WAY they grew up is always IN them – that can be disguised with time but it cannot be made rid of.
Point is, no matter what choices we make, we do indeed get influenced by others and their advice.. but not all the choices laid out to you is what you need. Those choices you get, can always be not suitable for you, it can always NOT match your inner personality.
What you are now (over the age of 20, I suppose) is what you have become through the many influences you have faced throughout these years. But there is also that personality IN us, that cannot be influenced – that has not been influenced – that has not been tampered with – but disguised with many layers of opinions and influences of OTHERS.
So what now? Well, its time we twenties start paving our path. Pick up a chisel and start chipping off those choices you KNOW you don’t need. Start choosing the choices which you know it would lead you to what YOU like and what YOU find interested in.
“One other way to find yourself, is to lose that don’t define who you are or who you want to be”
Cheers,
Arunya xx
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