Pressure: Bae for LIFE!

Hello you people reading.. Brace yourselves for this rant that you are about to waste the coming few minutes on!!

Every being on earth has a tough life obviously cause that’s the bloody essence to survive, okay I get it BUT why do other things like: Time, Age, MONEY, Geography, Emotional Parents, and other freaking people who you don’t even know have to add to this already so tough life of yours that you are struggling to live?! Why? Just whhyy…

I come from a moderately conservative family, and I am very much okay with that. I was always allowed to do what I wish but with T&C’s lol, which is fair okay I get the worries. But when I am being such a nice person understanding all that, Why am I taken for granted? for being so understanding? It should be the other way around, I should be more trusted and allowed to make decisions that obviously are reliable and practical. However, that sadly isn’t the case. So do you get the level of frustration a person who is sensible with average IQ and BIG FAT DREAMS/AIMS/GOALS, has to undergo for no real reason? Like seriously!

You finish school, finish university and even grad school for what bruv? to freaking get a career not the ones of the millionaires but reach at a fair level you have worked so hard for. All these years you wait to reach this stage when you slog to find a job and settle down career wise. But NO, it’s time to get married, be a wife and start a family…Yuhhuu What fun! (no offence maybe it’s fun and is a dream for some, but not mine at the moment). Oh when you say no to that, You apparently have never ever followed your family or society or the freaking way of life. Like whaaat??!! Apparently anything you wish to do, you can do it after Marriage with your Husband! Yay that seems so possible…

And the best part, you don’t even get a job why? cause the market is down. Sure bruv you can be down and low as it can get but why now? and why you taking forever? Doesn’t the economy have 1 freakin job (or 2, for ma friend too). Anybody at this situation would move out and look elsewhere or maybe enjoy the vacay! But Na’a moving out is a huge step for you and the only next step is to be wife (woot woot). Okay so you try to destress by meeting your friends, shopping or any other thing you would do which will obviously cost you and make you spend them bucks on, but Hello hold on dahling! Your bank account is on freaking maternity leave!

Now you are drowning with emotions, but positive tumblr life quotes got you! Your optimist bar just rises and some nobody; your neighbor, or a relative who had been MIA all their life comes into the scene all so alarmed trying to save your life gives these oh so wise advices to you and family about how my age isn’t proportionate to what I’m doing with my life. ‘You need to settle down soon, your parents need a break’, ‘Just do some job for now anyway you gonna be home multitasking household chores’, ‘You won’t find good guys if you delay so much’, ‘Don’t know why her parents even listen to her, kids delay but they must know’ – People! I understand how worried you are about me, I really appreciated your non-existence in my life before so let’s maintain that in future too!

So you are in your bed going through insta and checking out vlogs on Youtube, and you hear mumbling from the other room. Who them? My family, Saying what? How they are so worried about me (which basically is my marriage). Like if you all haven’t got it yet – Marriage is what I was born for peeps! *emoji with the shades on*. Okay so I understand that has been yours and every other person’s dream to get me married HURRAY! But hold on a tad bit, it won’t harm you for sure I know!

It’s so simple, yet so hard for anybody to understand that – Marriage, Job, Family and Death (lol) doesn’t need a specific time, location, age, financial status, or societal pressure to be scheduled in one’s life! If I’m happy and I feel I’m settled then I’m obviously open to how others want to take the wheel of my life. Right now I’m not, how hard is it to see that Ya’ll? Stop this pressure, give it time. Let us figure out life first, just stop this unhappy cribbing for a while! It’s so uncalled for.. On one side (online) you see these posts about Feminism and Career Success and on the other side (the reality) you are literally fighting amongst so many emotions and killing yourself inside. The worst part, it’s not because of you that you are in this stress.. It’s the people, the pressures they bring into your life. When will this stop?! I can go on and on ranting, but I know the next minute I post this I’m going back to the physics of life – trying to position my age and life stage at equilibrium. Byyee..

 

Image Source: disney.wikia.com

A little bit more.

Whatever you  do, you “need to be a little bit more”. I have been having this thought of how we are either being pushed or being told to ‘be a little bit more’. This is in regard to ‘a better you’ context.

Alright, in one way the idea is all about personal development and is for the betterment of your being, but what if that is just a social pressure that is silently damaging what we are as a person and our character. I’ve got no scientific research or philosophical proof of how exactly we are manipulated by our environment, but it’s obvious that we definitely are being pushed and pulled towards the perceptions of either individuals or the media.

Why do I have to listen to them?

It’s not even the general idea of being a better person – it’s the intricate details that these individuals and media go through. From the tiniest ways to live your life to get on a quest for major life changing decisions – why do you want me to listen to you? Why am I told to always be more than now?

 -No better you than the you that you are- (1)

Recent song release that got me thinking :

“No better you than the you that you are”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em7vc8NWUNY

What you do is never enough.

Alright, so you come to a conclusion to change, just be a little more ‘open ears’ and listen to them. You understand their point and ‘try’ to change and you succeed too, but guess what, that’s not enough. You should do more. You should try harder. Apparently, the effort you made now is just tiny compared to what you should be doing – based on what the WORLD is doing. Why is that a concern – why are you telling me it should be MY concern? Can’t MY efforts be enough to satisfy MY goals? – nope, we just have to try harder.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

The flip side

Remain calm, if it meant to be it will happen. Like, what now? After all the messages about trying harder and takings efforts to be better, now you tell me to just remain calm? Please media, make up your mind.

 download

On a serious note, I don’t think I can find an apt solutions to the weariness of this unbalance of having to ‘strive better’ and having to ‘be happy with at where you are’ – it does, of course differ based on your personal situation but the concern is – we are clung on to social media so much that before we start to understand if the message is personally relevant to us or not, we are already ready with conclusions.

add-additional-good-things-life-quotes-sayings-pictures.jpg

Until next time..xxx

Life hacks for that phase in life when everything falls apart! (Tried & Tested by me)

No this isn’t a depressing, negative and disorienting post. It’s just an acknowledgement to one of the phases in life. The not so good one! According to me there are 6 facets to life – Family, Friends, Love, Education, Health and Career. Imagine when all of them go wrong! That’s what this is post is all about.

Just FYI I’m not going through depression or any unlikely mental condition. Life can’t always be happy and exciting, hence the posts too. No one actually talks much about the downfalls in life. Many of the posts/articles/videos/pictures tell a story that explain happiness or joy the person is going through. Yes, that’s a wonderful feeling to share your good times with everyone. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t going through a rough patch. Everyone is surely tackling something that makes them sad/depressed/unhappy/regret and that’s pretty much the truth which is hidden in those happy stories they share.

But wait, It’s not so bad after all its pretty much a learning and testing of your patience!

I may sound like I have found inner peace with all this negativity. But NO it’s a big fail! The trick is to use this phase as a stepping stone to follow your passion. It’s about finding yourself and knowing what you are good at. I know it’s hard but fighting for what isn’t happening or complaining is not the way out. You are just making yourself believe you can’t do it.What has to happen will happen at its right time which is pretty unknown and frustrating. But such is life! (Yup! It took me some time to understand and believe what I just said)

I’m addicted to productivity in anything I do. And it feels worse when your mental health stops you from doing things you could be doing just fine on the other days. Best is to let those days be the most unproductive of all its okay you don’t need to work yourself out. You are your own boss! You define your ways –

Come in terms with the situation, see what you can do with the skills & support you have. There are going to ups and downs, so many days when you have zero level of optimism. Let those days be don’t worry about not being productive or being nice to someone. Just do what makes you feel happy, even if it is getting sun burnt at the beach all alone but you are happy at the end of the day.

Strike out your worries out one by one, tackle them one by one. Don’t think or try to solve all the worries at once you just won’t make it. Prioritize and combat!

Speak to your friends and family, Yup! You have to. How much we want to run away from them and not explain anyone what we need and want cause they simple won’t get it. But just try and you will have help right there waiting to solve your mess. Remember you just need their support not their approval (Sadly, I’m guilty of that!! Yet it’s WIP).

Workout – Physically & Mentally, The best!

Keep trying, be it your job, education, health or family you just have to keep trying. Surely at a different intensity everyday but even if it is an 2% effort to fix things you still got to get the ball rolling. Don’t stick with the past and be open to ‘Change’. You need it!

Lastly be thankful to what you have, more than often times we don’t look into the good side of life and only focus on things that aren’t working out and ultimately reach nowhere. Take a break, stop and look at all that little things you have in life that others don’t and be thankful for those.

I am still working on achieving what I wish to achieve in life. These hacks have helped me through the years, yet I still have those days with lowest motivation. But you have to keep working for yourself cause if you don’t no one will! PERIOD

~Shahana

Image Source: Giphy

The day I met a newborn and a beautiful realization strikes.

tumblr_nlcx8297sM1tdka29o1_1280
Saturday Morning, we met a family friend’s new born baby.
We’ve known her for quite some time, was even baby-sitting her first born for quite some time. Talking about the first born, we now get to know she is one mischievous little one, Those stories her mom tells about her mischievous acts on playground and supermarkets are so hilarious you might even even wonder if she is this high-profile ninja in-the-making.
So as we finally found our way inside the hospital and inside the room of the friend. Considering the many times we’ve visited a hospital – this was THE one time – I know I could be happy about the result –  that reason by itself had the ‘cherish-able’ feeling.
Once we finally found our way through the many rooms, we entered the room of our friend and her baby.
And then.. all I felt in the room was magic.
That same yet greater ‘cherishable’ feeling that cannot be reasoned based on scientific facts or religious beliefs.
A mere realization of how much process goes into the making of a life and more importantly when you understand how much power a woman has in bringing out a life that has been nurtured for around 280 days/40 weeks/ 9 months!
                     
(ps: discussed this with a colleague she suggested to to check this post – and it just adds the greater awe to this fact –  ‘Lennart Nilsson – A Swedish Photographer’s work’ – <http://www.unbelievable-facts.com/2014/03/lennart-nilsson-swedish-photographer.html> )
         (pps: please excuse the girl in her twenties realizing this flabbergasting fact in her head ATM!!!)
So, back to where I was…
After all that this woman has gone through in that amount of time, you see the smile on her face welcoming us in (how do they do it?!?) aaand more evidently next to her is a cradle in which you see those tiny pink feet popping out though the many layers of pink blankets.
Yep, I felt it.
Of course, there are many billion women and mothers who you have seen or experienced this by themselves or for their sister/friends/daughters- but maybe because this is the first time I’ve known a friend go through the same and so I felt it more.
What you may ask? That power of giving/creating life.
It may be just the nature of science or a blessing of how we are created – but it’s still one of those precious moments that enriches the experiences in our life.
Since it was the first time for me, it made me quite emotional – just the thought of how little our human minds maybe but there also exists a power superior to us that gives us, women the power to give life –  is it not beautiful?
A beautiful realization indeed. Those tiny hands and such pink skin.. This little one was inside her for 9 months and she is finally out to the world. The whole concept seems so magical – and only then you tell yourself – we humans are definitely not the limit or the end – there is a power superior to us, humans – again, some point towards science some point towards God. Whichever you would like to believe in, we as humans should be grateful for what we are than take our life for granted….and yet at times we do take it all for granted, don’t we? – Now that would be another discussion for later.
On that note, its over and out from,
Arunya

17 Things an MBA has taught me apart from being ‘academically well versed’…

MBA is not just an addition to your profile or a step to a successful career. I am very much enjoying my journey so far and I am only half way through. Yet I can confidently say I am a changed individual in just these 6 months of study. So when you plan to do an MBA get ready to give in the best of your potential in life. Its a pretty much demanding journey but one with the most rewards. Hope you enjoy reading and do add in some of your thoughts if you may agree more 🙂

Here you go..

16 Things an MBA has taught me apart from being ‘academically well versed’…

  1. Being calm is not an option: You are either stressed or emotionless.
  2. Organizing is key: You must pre-plan your whole year in advance including your leave, your PMS days and most productive days AND abide by them!
  3. Stay healthy: Sleep + exercise = productivity, Caffeine + healthy diet = positivity x mental focus!
  4. NEWS: A must read! Download all possible apps to get alerts from all over the world and even outer space.
  5. Change the way you shop: Yes! You start thinking between the lines of a SALE or a weekly draw even at a 1 pound store!
  6. Valuing relationships: Surprising but true! That’s a sign when you really need your break! Yay family time.. (miracles happen).
  7. Personality development: Unknowingly but eventually you change into a different person (in a good way).
  8. I’m more confident: Just a result of meeting classmates who are 5 to 30 years older than me.
  9. You finally can start a conversation at your Dad’s Boss’s dinner party: Talk about the weather or the economy, Always works!
  10. Even more practical thinking: YES or a NO.. Mostly a NO!
  11. Study time: Follow the student handbook. 20 hours a week is actually the right way and not just for ‘those nerds’.
  12. Networking: Growing connections on linkedin and not facebook.
  13. Use of Marketing Jargons: Competitive Advantage is an alternative for ‘I’m better than you’.
  14. Size matters: Size of the BOOKS.. it’s either big or bigger.
  15. Stronger career path: Don’t have to google ‘how to write an effective cover letter’ anymore. You know what would get you that job.
  16. Why work experience is actually a ‘requirement’: 3 years minimum = 10% helpful and 90% delete and replace. The more you work the less you need to read/browse/search/understand/learn.
  17. Change in preferences: Be it the Movies you loved to watch or the Events you never missed. You now start looking at the ROI’s!

~ Shahana

Picture source: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk 

Lesson Learned : Magic no exist

Lesson Learned : There isn’t a magic wand tool in our world. No matter how hard or easy things get. We cannot swish a wand away to banish them off. They stick to you. Stick to you till you get down on your knees and surrender to solving this issue/s. They show you that it does indeed have the power of controlling you IF you choose to ignore it or pretend it does not exist – But yet, are you going to let it? Are you going to let it control you?Are you going to let it over power your mental ability to slash off this slavery to excuses? You’re thinking – well maybe because I have no choice – ‘No choice’ is such a cliche. Choices are there. They just aren’t the choices you aren’t willing to make. They aren’t just what you want to opt. It’s ultimately your decision – but here, here what are we doing now – are we just choosing to break lose or are we going to let the power of excuses grow onto us? 
 
In the more realistic world, I have a ‘let it be’ mindset. If some of you are like me then this is what we do – we trick our minds to believe that a magical world exists and that there is some magic somewhere that you might just stumble across that would change our minds and our issues – we read, we listen, we try to understand and eventually we choose to ignore, we distract our minds, we pretend they don’t exist – and eventually we let these excuses slowly gobble up the only time we have to prove our own minds wrong. 
0abecomewhatyouwanttobe2c0aby0adoingwhatyoulikedoing0a0a0a28feather29-default
Our constant search for what is better – what can be improved, what ‘could’ be better is basically letting us fall into a phase of hope. Well, for beginners, yes hope is needed…but what if we have to keep hoping for things to get better – for good changes to happen.Then we wait. We wait and wait. Just waiting for too long and as time passes – you continue to hope.
Only when I stopped to hope it struck me wait, although I wanted and hope for change- what did I do to make the change? What was my effort in it ? Oh yes, I hoped  – so..is that all? I thought, don’t I want the hope shown as results..?
 
Look up at where you going than down hoping that magic still lies somewhere to show it self. No NO NO. You are your magic. The effort you put in to recreate your hope is the real deal.  No one else does it for you. No external power, no magical power…just YOU. 
Arunya

ERROR 141: Brain not responding…

tumblr_n3lmq6n5Z61s5fgruo1_500

It’s been a while since my last post for reasons inevitable! Surprising to me how quickly my life has changed its track to another more complex one. I finally joined grad school, wrote my first MBA exam and now planning to move out to Scotland for the rest of my course 🙂 How smooth…

Well the moving out is not as easy! Yes of course cause it’s a huge move and majorly cause I’m having a conflict between emotional vs professional choices. It’s an everyday battle between Yes and No. People ask why even have No as an option? And they are right, to an extent. But me, not that easy to convince. I have a 1000 other concerns that don’t even weigh equivalent to the benefits of moving out to a new country and the exposure I would hold for the rest of my life. I am just not used to leaving my family and being all alone and missing them and my pet and and and… I now understand why dad used to get so emotional (disinterested) in travelling for work even if it was just for 2 days. I got my offer letter, scholarship grant, wrote not such a bad exam, and I’m still in my thinking process (basically stage 1 of making a decision).

“You’ve come so far, why do you need to rethink?!”, “This is an opportunity that will define your future”, “You’re gonna regret if you back out now!!” – Everything what my parents/friends/advisers have to say. I know they are a 100% right, but I really don’t know why I am still not convinced. Oh, and the best part is given the option of not going, I feel I am wasting my life not moving out. GODD!! It’s so complicated for me I have asked everyone a 100 times they are just exhausted even talking to me (lol). I have passed my due date for confirmation, got an extension, I haavvee to decide today! Its high time.. (my mental process everyday)… In the morning: I am going, it’s good for me in every way. And towards the evening: Why do I have to leave home, why can’t I just do it online?!.. (I’m literally worried about my mental health now).

You see how overwhelming and crazy this situation is for me. I am so lost and I still can’t make up my mind. Even at the end of this post my brain is basically on airplane mode! But all I know is whatever decision I finally make I will work out something productive for sure, wherever I am 🙂

~Shahana

“There was a time I believed in luck and signs”

“Yes, this is it. I am changing my thinking. I am changing myself “, is something you hear quite often when a new year comes. And this year I took some time to analyze something about me – My Thinking / My Thinking Process. 

There was once a time I believed in luck and signs, but as always when you grow older your perceptions change and your mind gets introduced to different worlds and wider perspectives. This made me change into “science-believer” , I started trusted my instincts on practical thinking and practical solutions.

There is actually nothing like proving yourself with facts that led you to situations you face or overcame. The understanding of whys and hows – just that feeling of believing that you know you CAN change your mind, your decisions and the way you take actions. But recently, sole scientific thinking hasn’t helped much. My mind fell everywhere. I had so many practical solutions to my problems that I couldn’t find a solutions suitable to MY feelings, MY ability and MY emotional balance. Being practical does make you realize the FACTS. It does helps reality to slap you in the face and say – “get your hopes low – plan your future and get those actions done!” . And so I, had let myself down. I didn’t think I needed the balance then. Instead of learning to balance two kinds of thinking processes – I chose one from another. I chose to let go of the luck-based-emotional thinking (A-thinking) behind and I followed the action-based emotional thinking (B-thinking).
 Very-little-is-needed-to-make-a-happy-life-quotes
Unfortunately, it’s not a game for your mind to take sides on which type of thinking should be chosen or not – or if chosen it would be more successful than the other. And then you begin to realize, tweaking our mind process to your wish does not NECESSARILY get you a “re-start” to life. It is unfortunately and yet again, all about striking a mental  and emotional balance.
  1. You need that strength to create those actions and a source of faith to keep you committed – also you do really, really really, really, REALLY need to trust yourself.
  2. You as an individual would need BOTH in very fixed quantities that switch only in the level of priority, depending on your situation. At a given moment, you may need A-thinking over B-thinking, and at another time it would be vise-versa.
And so I’m off.
(Coming, from someone who may speak and write what is right, but might just be living the opposite.)
-Arunya
“It’s your life-but only if you make it so.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Why the trashing, the cynicism and the rude behaviour?

keep-calm-cause-we-are-one-7

The world is much bigger than our mind could even imagine.

It may scare us with the abundance of factors that influence people and their behaviour – the hate, the love, the criticisms, the racisms, the judgements or appreciation.

You may get completely lost and feel extremely minute when you get in contact with this wider world…

But just  think broader with a general perspective.. aren’t we all biologically atleast 5% ( I could say more though) similar to each other – ignore the different factors – colour of the skin, nationality, the ‘I am from this place, therefore I look like this’ factor, the body sizes, the lifestyles, the educational background – anything – just about ANY factor OTHER THAN that we are all humans with one mind, one heart and a body that carries it?

That person who just passed by –  is just another reflection of yourself. That person is made of the same ”materials’ , you are made of. Each of us grow a year older the same way you do. Each of us breathe and need the same things you need to survive in the world we are given.Yet, we pass on the slightest negativity of judging and stereotyping one another –  we comment, demean, or pick on one another.

Given that we have a mind of our own, we could take the slightest effort to consider ourselves thankful to even have the capacity to think straight and have concious thoughts to get us through events that take place in a day or so. Yet..what some of us do/say to one other indivudual / group of individual is beyond atrocious.

You are as equal as that person next to you. You are as equal to that person you commented on the internet. You are as equal as the person that waiting in que for the cashier.

We are all equal to each other more than we can imagine.  We (or atleast some) just don’t see this only because we utterly refuse to believe this, and so ‘being equal’ APPEARS to be out of topic.

Where you stand now, is where someone stood earlier.. and who you commented on now could be you later. Would you appreciate if you swapped places? Would you show much hatred to yourself? No right? – Then why the trashing, the cynicism and/or rude behaviour.

In hopes to hear of an increase in the no of safe places for people to live in,

I sign out.

(ps : A genuine post on an un-influenced opinion – not intended to harm any)

(pps : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIh2xe4jnpk )

I am good at it, but that’s not what I love..

It took me a while to understand or to believe that this can exist. What I am talking about here is the feeling of being so good at doing something that you feel ‘this is what I was meant for’. But in no time you tend to get tired of the routine and look over the fence to explore further, that’s when the hating process starts. Everything seems to add to your sorrow and in the end you just want to go float in the pool face down!

For me it’s my messed up career. I want to try this, do that, work here, become that and so on. Why do I get that thinking?! God, why can’t I just have one focused route that would make my life so much easier. I need a guardian angel who would clear out all the chaos and make my journey so smooth and successful….But wait! That’s not even close to reality. If I want to make things work in my favor I need to fix it myself. In other words, be my own ‘guardian angel’. I don’t want to sound like a motivational speaker or a mentor, but in short what I mean is ‘It’s your life, you created the mess and you need to sort it out’…

That’s when I realized if I am good at something that doesn’t mean I love doing it, I maybe just diversely smart (if that makes sense). Some people are really lucky to have career that is their passion basically getting paid for what they love doing. And here I am figuring out what I really love and want to get paid for out of all the 1000 things I wish to do. I am pretty sure there are many out there who are confused, lost, insecure and afraid about their future. And we just keep thinking and worrying about it so much that we don’t go out and try the things on our list, just afraid of failing or getting embarrassed.

But now, I don’t want to feel that anymore. I soo need to just get out of that barrier and try the things I wish to have a career in… Starting Today I will work on my priorities and have a career in what I feel I am so good at, even without having a degree in. Well, for me it’s having my own bakery. I love baking and trying out combinations of foods. It’s been with me since my school days and now I have finally realized and joined the dots to recognizing my ‘forte’..

Let’s just get out there and try everything we wish to do without thinking about the result. And just go on striking off the items on the list until you’re left out with what you love to do for the rest of your life. #daretoliveyourdream

~Shahana