Pressure: Bae for LIFE!

Hello you people reading.. Brace yourselves for this rant that you are about to waste the coming few minutes on!!

Every being on earth has a tough life obviously cause that’s the bloody essence to survive, okay I get it BUT why do other things like: Time, Age, MONEY, Geography, Emotional Parents, and other freaking people who you don’t even know have to add to this already so tough life of yours that you are struggling to live?! Why? Just whhyy…

I come from a moderately conservative family, and I am very much okay with that. I was always allowed to do what I wish but with T&C’s lol, which is fair okay I get the worries. But when I am being such a nice person understanding all that, Why am I taken for granted? for being so understanding? It should be the other way around, I should be more trusted and allowed to make decisions that obviously are reliable and practical. However, that sadly isn’t the case. So do you get the level of frustration a person who is sensible with average IQ and BIG FAT DREAMS/AIMS/GOALS, has to undergo for no real reason? Like seriously!

You finish school, finish university and even grad school for what bruv? to freaking get a career not the ones of the millionaires but reach at a fair level you have worked so hard for. All these years you wait to reach this stage when you slog to find a job and settle down career wise. But NO, it’s time to get married, be a wife and start a family…Yuhhuu What fun! (no offence maybe it’s fun and is a dream for some, but not mine at the moment). Oh when you say no to that, You apparently have never ever followed your family or society or the freaking way of life. Like whaaat??!! Apparently anything you wish to do, you can do it after Marriage with your Husband! Yay that seems so possible…

And the best part, you don’t even get a job why? cause the market is down. Sure bruv you can be down and low as it can get but why now? and why you taking forever? Doesn’t the economy have 1 freakin job (or 2, for ma friend too). Anybody at this situation would move out and look elsewhere or maybe enjoy the vacay! But Na’a moving out is a huge step for you and the only next step is to be wife (woot woot). Okay so you try to destress by meeting your friends, shopping or any other thing you would do which will obviously cost you and make you spend them bucks on, but Hello hold on dahling! Your bank account is on freaking maternity leave!

Now you are drowning with emotions, but positive tumblr life quotes got you! Your optimist bar just rises and some nobody; your neighbor, or a relative who had been MIA all their life comes into the scene all so alarmed trying to save your life gives these oh so wise advices to you and family about how my age isn’t proportionate to what I’m doing with my life. ‘You need to settle down soon, your parents need a break’, ‘Just do some job for now anyway you gonna be home multitasking household chores’, ‘You won’t find good guys if you delay so much’, ‘Don’t know why her parents even listen to her, kids delay but they must know’ – People! I understand how worried you are about me, I really appreciated your non-existence in my life before so let’s maintain that in future too!

So you are in your bed going through insta and checking out vlogs on Youtube, and you hear mumbling from the other room. Who them? My family, Saying what? How they are so worried about me (which basically is my marriage). Like if you all haven’t got it yet – Marriage is what I was born for peeps! *emoji with the shades on*. Okay so I understand that has been yours and every other person’s dream to get me married HURRAY! But hold on a tad bit, it won’t harm you for sure I know!

It’s so simple, yet so hard for anybody to understand that – Marriage, Job, Family and Death (lol) doesn’t need a specific time, location, age, financial status, or societal pressure to be scheduled in one’s life! If I’m happy and I feel I’m settled then I’m obviously open to how others want to take the wheel of my life. Right now I’m not, how hard is it to see that Ya’ll? Stop this pressure, give it time. Let us figure out life first, just stop this unhappy cribbing for a while! It’s so uncalled for.. On one side (online) you see these posts about Feminism and Career Success and on the other side (the reality) you are literally fighting amongst so many emotions and killing yourself inside. The worst part, it’s not because of you that you are in this stress.. It’s the people, the pressures they bring into your life. When will this stop?! I can go on and on ranting, but I know the next minute I post this I’m going back to the physics of life – trying to position my age and life stage at equilibrium. Byyee..

 

Image Source: disney.wikia.com

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A little bit more.

Whatever you  do, you “need to be a little bit more”. I have been having this thought of how we are either being pushed or being told to ‘be a little bit more’. This is in regard to ‘a better you’ context.

Alright, in one way the idea is all about personal development and is for the betterment of your being, but what if that is just a social pressure that is silently damaging what we are as a person and our character. I’ve got no scientific research or philosophical proof of how exactly we are manipulated by our environment, but it’s obvious that we definitely are being pushed and pulled towards the perceptions of either individuals or the media.

Why do I have to listen to them?

It’s not even the general idea of being a better person – it’s the intricate details that these individuals and media go through. From the tiniest ways to live your life to get on a quest for major life changing decisions – why do you want me to listen to you? Why am I told to always be more than now?

 -No better you than the you that you are- (1)

Recent song release that got me thinking :

“No better you than the you that you are”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em7vc8NWUNY

What you do is never enough.

Alright, so you come to a conclusion to change, just be a little more ‘open ears’ and listen to them. You understand their point and ‘try’ to change and you succeed too, but guess what, that’s not enough. You should do more. You should try harder. Apparently, the effort you made now is just tiny compared to what you should be doing – based on what the WORLD is doing. Why is that a concern – why are you telling me it should be MY concern? Can’t MY efforts be enough to satisfy MY goals? – nope, we just have to try harder.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

The flip side

Remain calm, if it meant to be it will happen. Like, what now? After all the messages about trying harder and takings efforts to be better, now you tell me to just remain calm? Please media, make up your mind.

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On a serious note, I don’t think I can find an apt solutions to the weariness of this unbalance of having to ‘strive better’ and having to ‘be happy with at where you are’ – it does, of course differ based on your personal situation but the concern is – we are clung on to social media so much that before we start to understand if the message is personally relevant to us or not, we are already ready with conclusions.

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Until next time..xxx

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It’s been a while since my last post for reasons inevitable! Surprising to me how quickly my life has changed its track to another more complex one. I finally joined grad school, wrote my first MBA exam and now planning to move out to Scotland for the rest of my course 🙂 How smooth…

Well the moving out is not as easy! Yes of course cause it’s a huge move and majorly cause I’m having a conflict between emotional vs professional choices. It’s an everyday battle between Yes and No. People ask why even have No as an option? And they are right, to an extent. But me, not that easy to convince. I have a 1000 other concerns that don’t even weigh equivalent to the benefits of moving out to a new country and the exposure I would hold for the rest of my life. I am just not used to leaving my family and being all alone and missing them and my pet and and and… I now understand why dad used to get so emotional (disinterested) in travelling for work even if it was just for 2 days. I got my offer letter, scholarship grant, wrote not such a bad exam, and I’m still in my thinking process (basically stage 1 of making a decision).

“You’ve come so far, why do you need to rethink?!”, “This is an opportunity that will define your future”, “You’re gonna regret if you back out now!!” – Everything what my parents/friends/advisers have to say. I know they are a 100% right, but I really don’t know why I am still not convinced. Oh, and the best part is given the option of not going, I feel I am wasting my life not moving out. GODD!! It’s so complicated for me I have asked everyone a 100 times they are just exhausted even talking to me (lol). I have passed my due date for confirmation, got an extension, I haavvee to decide today! Its high time.. (my mental process everyday)… In the morning: I am going, it’s good for me in every way. And towards the evening: Why do I have to leave home, why can’t I just do it online?!.. (I’m literally worried about my mental health now).

You see how overwhelming and crazy this situation is for me. I am so lost and I still can’t make up my mind. Even at the end of this post my brain is basically on airplane mode! But all I know is whatever decision I finally make I will work out something productive for sure, wherever I am 🙂

~Shahana

“There was a time I believed in luck and signs”

“Yes, this is it. I am changing my thinking. I am changing myself “, is something you hear quite often when a new year comes. And this year I took some time to analyze something about me – My Thinking / My Thinking Process. 

There was once a time I believed in luck and signs, but as always when you grow older your perceptions change and your mind gets introduced to different worlds and wider perspectives. This made me change into “science-believer” , I started trusted my instincts on practical thinking and practical solutions.

There is actually nothing like proving yourself with facts that led you to situations you face or overcame. The understanding of whys and hows – just that feeling of believing that you know you CAN change your mind, your decisions and the way you take actions. But recently, sole scientific thinking hasn’t helped much. My mind fell everywhere. I had so many practical solutions to my problems that I couldn’t find a solutions suitable to MY feelings, MY ability and MY emotional balance. Being practical does make you realize the FACTS. It does helps reality to slap you in the face and say – “get your hopes low – plan your future and get those actions done!” . And so I, had let myself down. I didn’t think I needed the balance then. Instead of learning to balance two kinds of thinking processes – I chose one from another. I chose to let go of the luck-based-emotional thinking (A-thinking) behind and I followed the action-based emotional thinking (B-thinking).
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Unfortunately, it’s not a game for your mind to take sides on which type of thinking should be chosen or not – or if chosen it would be more successful than the other. And then you begin to realize, tweaking our mind process to your wish does not NECESSARILY get you a “re-start” to life. It is unfortunately and yet again, all about striking a mental  and emotional balance.
  1. You need that strength to create those actions and a source of faith to keep you committed – also you do really, really really, really, REALLY need to trust yourself.
  2. You as an individual would need BOTH in very fixed quantities that switch only in the level of priority, depending on your situation. At a given moment, you may need A-thinking over B-thinking, and at another time it would be vise-versa.
And so I’m off.
(Coming, from someone who may speak and write what is right, but might just be living the opposite.)
-Arunya
“It’s your life-but only if you make it so.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

I am good at it, but that’s not what I love..

It took me a while to understand or to believe that this can exist. What I am talking about here is the feeling of being so good at doing something that you feel ‘this is what I was meant for’. But in no time you tend to get tired of the routine and look over the fence to explore further, that’s when the hating process starts. Everything seems to add to your sorrow and in the end you just want to go float in the pool face down!

For me it’s my messed up career. I want to try this, do that, work here, become that and so on. Why do I get that thinking?! God, why can’t I just have one focused route that would make my life so much easier. I need a guardian angel who would clear out all the chaos and make my journey so smooth and successful….But wait! That’s not even close to reality. If I want to make things work in my favor I need to fix it myself. In other words, be my own ‘guardian angel’. I don’t want to sound like a motivational speaker or a mentor, but in short what I mean is ‘It’s your life, you created the mess and you need to sort it out’…

That’s when I realized if I am good at something that doesn’t mean I love doing it, I maybe just diversely smart (if that makes sense). Some people are really lucky to have career that is their passion basically getting paid for what they love doing. And here I am figuring out what I really love and want to get paid for out of all the 1000 things I wish to do. I am pretty sure there are many out there who are confused, lost, insecure and afraid about their future. And we just keep thinking and worrying about it so much that we don’t go out and try the things on our list, just afraid of failing or getting embarrassed.

But now, I don’t want to feel that anymore. I soo need to just get out of that barrier and try the things I wish to have a career in… Starting Today I will work on my priorities and have a career in what I feel I am so good at, even without having a degree in. Well, for me it’s having my own bakery. I love baking and trying out combinations of foods. It’s been with me since my school days and now I have finally realized and joined the dots to recognizing my ‘forte’..

Let’s just get out there and try everything we wish to do without thinking about the result. And just go on striking off the items on the list until you’re left out with what you love to do for the rest of your life. #daretoliveyourdream

~Shahana

Balance!

Its all about that balance.
One can be completely passionate about something they truly enjoy doing, but what could bring more satisfaction would be to manage that balance. Finally things are starting to heat up in my routine , I can finally tell myself maybe this is how things should go. But then some other event comes up and I start to think wait, maybe I should concentrate more on that than this, maybe since I like that more I should spend more of my time and effort and  thoughts on that factor than another I am forced to do.
Yest we visited my Bro’s suit designer. Boy, was she one passionate designer! The excitement when she looks at the suit, the details , the specifics of the material, stitching, how the suit should look when bro stands, walk, sits, front view, backview side ways, in angle and also how it should look indoors and outdoors – *phew* But as much as she has been involved in this 14year passion/ career path ;  she has an extremely beautiful house, a sweet family with two kids and just looked like a balance – . Now, I’m sure, she does have to go through a lot to manage them.. she spoke about losing out on family time with her husband who is also highly passionate about his career, two pre-schooling kids, her clients – their specifications, alterations and what not. This got me thinking.. as young yet-to-discover-ourselves ladies, why are we stressing so much about our paths?
The issue is – we as young, still-free, independent women/ladies/young adults shouldn’t stress so much about the ‘focus’. Its not about how much STRESS is involved in what you are involved in, but it’s about the Effort you take to create and manage the ‘focus’  you put yourself into. This ‘focus’ can be something you are passionate about – your work, your hobby, an activity, – just anything you enjoy doing without stressing out on the fact that you ARE DOING IT – this is your focus. But next? — it’s the Effort; ie how much we can physically involve ourselves into this focus.
The ball is on your side…. the decision to kick it for a goal or to pass it on to a team mate or to just stare at it until the opponent kicks it away from you – is yours.
-Arunya